| Can you provide advice
about my particular situation? |
|
We are very sorry, but TOUGHLOVE
Australia simply cannot give you any
advice, no matter how much background you
provide us. The heart of our program is
the advice that you will get from all the
members of your support group. And that
advice will take you time to believe, to
absorb and then to follow.
However, if you believe you are in
immediate physical danger, please:
The organisations below offer additional
services and are compatible with, but not
directly associated with, the TOUGHLOVE
philosophy.
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| Can you give me a referral
for where to send my kid? |
| TOUGHLOVE Australia does not refer
people to boot camps or treatment
facilities. We recommend that you go to your
local TOUGHLOVE
Parent Support
Group. The parents in the group will
let you know which professionals and
services have been helpful to their families
and which ones have not. |
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| Where is the nearest parent
support group located? |
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Our website lists all TOUGHLOVE parent
support groups in Australia and
beyond. If you cannot find a convenient
location in either list, you should still
send in your request to the nearest one on
that page. If enough people from your area
inquire, we may be able to start a new
support group near you.
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| Can I start a group in my
area? |
| As you might imagine, this is a
significant commitment and other families
will be depending on you. Please begin by
first establishing in your own mind whether
or not our program is right for you. To do
this, read the Bantam/Doubleday book TOUGHLOVE
by Phyllis and David York, available from us and
many self-help bookstores. After reading
this book, you will be in a much better
position to understand if you really want to
help start a new group. Also, please see Starting a Group. |
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| What kind of trouble does
my kid have to be in for me to need this
group? |
| You are the one who decides what is a
problem in your home. TOUGHLOVE
Parent Support Groups help parents with a
wide range of problems from, "my son won't
clean his bedroom" to "my son has been
arrested for...". If you are concerned about
your kid's behaviour, that is enough. |
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| Is it my fault that my
child is in trouble? |
| No. A TOUGHLOVE Parent Support
Group is a group of caring adults who will
understand what you are going through. We
know you have done the best that you can
with the tools that you have. |
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| What if my spouse won't go
with me to the group? |
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You will find other people in the group
in the same situation. Go to the group and
ask your friends and relatives to go with
you and support you.
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| What is the weekly
contribution used for? |
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Each state may vary in the way they
manage contributions. Generally
the contribution is shared between
the group and the state organisation and
goes towards covering expenses.
Groups incur expenses such as
registration, meeting place rental,
workshops, helping other families,
materials, coffee, etc.
State association expenses
include the TOUGHLOVE
phone line and calls, Internet access and
website, rental of office space, office
materials, insurance, training and more.
Your contribution is greatly
appreciated and is our primary source
of income, without which we could not
promote, maintain, or expand the parent
support group network.
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| Is there a fee? |
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There is a one-time charge for the
materials you will need to work with in
the group.
There is also a small weekly
contribution requested from each
family.
Please contact your local organisation
for current details. If the money is a
problem for you, please don't let it
prevent you from going to the group.
Instead, let the group know and
they may be able to assist you.
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| Does my kid go with me to
the group? |
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No. The group is for parents and other
adults that care about you and your
family. Your kid does not need to know
everything that you are doing.
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| Are you a religious
program? |
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No. We are not affiliated with any
religious organisation.
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| What kind of program does
TOUGHLOVE offer? |
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We are a network of Parent Support Groups
for parents having difficulties with
children aged from "7 to 70". See the TOUGHLOVE
philosophy page for more information
on the program.
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| Will you tell me what to
do? |
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Changes you need to make may be different
from what other people need to do. You are
in charge of making decisions about your
life and your family. Other parents in the
group will offer you suggestions based on
what has worked for them and other people.
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| Why do I need to go to a
group when my kid is the one with the
problem? |
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If you ask your kid if he or she has a
problem, they will answer no. If someone
asks you if you have a problem, you will
answer yes. You need to go to the group to
create a plan to help your child and that
plan includes a support system. Making
changes is not easy and you will need a
support system created of people who
understand where you are.
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| Where is the nearest boot
camp? |
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TOUGHLOVE does not refer people to
boot camps or other treatment facilities.
We know that your kid may need help from
one or more of these places. We recommend
that you go to your local TOUGHLOVE Parent Support
Group.
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| There's no support group
near me. Can I just buy the material? |
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Yes, you can purchase
TOUGHLOVE materials. We
suggest that you purchase either Beyond
the Last Straw or The Starter
Packet. Beyond the Last Straw
was designed for people who cannot attend
TOUGHLOVE Groups. The Starter
Packet contains the material that
will help you start a support group for
yourself and others in your community.
Remember that you cannot simply purchase
the "support" part of the program. Support
is what makes the TOUGHLOVE
Program unique and successful. Most people
cannot "change" life-long behaviours
without appropriate support.
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| How long will it take
before I see changes in my kid's
behaviour? |
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Maybe right away, maybe never. Your
situation took a long time to develop and
it will take a long time to change. Also,
your kid's behaviour will change only as a
result of changes in your own behaviour.
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| What is TOUGHLOVE
Australia? |
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TOUGHLOVE is a non-profit,
self-help organisation that provides
ongoing education and active support to
families, empowering parents and young
people to accept responsibility for their
actions and to stop destructive
behaviours. We encourage families to
network with community leaders, agencies
and each other, to help parents regain
control of their homes and their lives,
making communities safer places in which
to live. See also About
TOUGHLOVE.
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| What can I do if my
question is not answered here? |
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Please contact the TOUGHLOVE service centre
for your state.
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Next (where is the
nearest TOUGHLOVE
parent support group?)
|